hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
