Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
