Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
