its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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