Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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