How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
did i walk over a car last night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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