I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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