Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
