I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
