I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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