There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
