I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
