im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
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Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
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And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pants are for mortals
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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