the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
