How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just gargled with NyQuil
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
