So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
