there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
