Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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