I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we're making bets on your personal life
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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