sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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