Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
