my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.