Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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