if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
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I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later