The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that