I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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