I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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