Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
