I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
