how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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