i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
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Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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