woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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