so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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