thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
