...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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