At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
