margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
