I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
