Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
