well I can't set my house on fire every night
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
