Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
