Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
