i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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