yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
