I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
