Whod you bang
we made out on top of his cat.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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