Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
