through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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