i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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