I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
