Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
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I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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