The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize