Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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