how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
