Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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