she looked like the before picture.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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