sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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