I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
